16 Sep The Neuroscience of Chronic Pain: Why Your Brain Gets Better at Creating Pain (And How to Teach It to Stop) with Ashleigh Di Lello
Have you ever felt like your body turned against you overnight? Like one day you were fine, and the next you’re dealing with unexplainable pain that doctors can’t figure out? Or maybe you’ve been managing chronic pain for so long that you’ve forgotten what it feels like to live without it?
You’re not alone, and more importantly—you’re not crazy.
As someone who’s navigated my own intense pain journey, including recent back surgery that introduced me to a whole new level of nerve pain, I understand the desperation that comes with feeling trapped in a body that won’t cooperate. The sleepless nights. The canceled plans. The fear that this might be your new normal.
But what if I told you that pain isn’t always what we think it is? What if there’s more to your experience than just physical damage?
Today, I’m sharing insights from an extraordinary conversation that shifted my entire perspective on pain and healing. And before you roll your eyes thinking “here we go, another person telling me it’s all in my head”—stick with me. This isn’t about dismissing your very real pain. It’s about understanding a missing piece of the puzzle that could change everything.
Meet Ashleigh Di Lello: From Death’s Door to Healing Pioneer
Ashleigh Di Lello’s story isn’t just inspiring…it’s medical proof that our understanding of pain and healing needs a serious upgrade. At 13 years old, this competitive dancer woke up one morning unable to move, launching a four-year battle with a mysterious viral infection that had her organs shutting down. Doctors told her she wouldn’t survive her teenage years.
But Ashleigh didn’t accept that diagnosis. Through sheer determination and a combination of nutrition, supplementation, and unwavering belief in her body’s ability to heal, she survived. Six years later, she returned to dancing and built a successful Broadway career.
Then lightning struck twice. A routine hip surgery in her 30s went catastrophically wrong, leaving her unable to walk and in excruciating pain throughout her entire body. After trying over 200 treatments, spending fortunes on every possible intervention, and being told by leading specialists that it was “downhill from here,” Ashleigh made a decision that would revolutionize her understanding of pain.
She decided to study neuroscience and figure out how to “flip the switch” her nervous system had flipped into chronic pain.
The Truth About Pain Your Doctor Might Not Know
Here’s what Ashleigh discovered through her deep dive into neuroscience: Pain is neuroplastic. That means your brain actually gets better at creating pain the more you experience it. Pain receptors grow larger and more sensitive. Neural connections become less specific, spreading pain signals to new areas of your body.
This isn’t because you’re getting worse or more damaged. It’s because your brain is trying to protect you—and it’s gotten really, really good at it.
Think about it this way: Your brain is a prediction machine. It’s constantly scanning for threats based on your past experiences. If you’ve been through trauma (physical or emotional), if you’re a Type A personality who’s always pushing yourself, if you’ve had previous injuries or illnesses, your brain has taken detailed notes. And when something happens that even slightly resembles a past threat, your brain sounds the alarm bells.
Those alarm bells? They manifest as pain, anxiety, depression, or other stress signals.
The Type A Connection Nobody Talks About
During our conversation, I brought up something I’ve noticed in myself and many of my clients: There seems to be a specific personality type that’s more prone to chronic pain and injury. We’re the achievers, the fighters, the “I’ll handle it myself” people.
Ashleigh confirmed this pattern is real. Type A personalities tend to be hypercritical of themselves, operate in all-or-nothing mode, and live in a constant state of fight-or-flight. This chronic stress state depletes our resources for healing and recovery. Eventually, our brain and body force us to stop through pain, exhaustion, or illness.
But here’s the double-edged sword: That same driven personality that contributes to the problem is also what helps us find solutions. Ashleigh wouldn’t be alive today without her fighter mentality. The key is learning to harness that determination differently.
Why Everything You’re Doing Might Not Be Working
Ashleigh had her nutrition dialed in perfectly. She was taking all the right supplements. She tried every treatment available: Western, Eastern, alternative, regenerative. She even tried powerful pain medications that didn’t make a dent in her pain.
Sound familiar?
Here’s what she realized: You can do everything right for your body, but if your brain and nervous system are stuck in a chronic stress response, you won’t heal. The brain perceives emotional threats the same way it perceives physical threats. When you react to pain with fear, frustration, and desperation (which is completely natural), your brain interprets this emotional distress as confirmation that you’re in danger.
The result? More pain signals. More protection. More suffering.
The Paradigm Shift That Changes Everything
Ashleigh shared a powerful reframe that became the foundation of her healing: “Pain is much more about protection than punishment, and much more about danger than damage.”
Your pain isn’t your body punishing you. It’s your brain trying to protect you based on everything it knows about your life, your stress, your past experiences, and your current state of being.
This doesn’t mean your pain isn’t real. It doesn’t mean there’s nothing physically happening. Ashleigh had to have reconstructive surgery to fix the damage from her failed procedure. But understanding the brain’s role in amplifying and perpetuating pain opened doors to healing that no surgery or medication could provide.
My Personal Breakthrough Moment
I experienced this firsthand during my recent recovery. I was consumed by nerve pain, you know, that stabbing, burning sensation that never stops. But after discovering Ashleigh’s work and shifting my focus, something remarkable happened. The next day, when I checked in with my body, the pain was still there, but I wasn’t experiencing it the same way.
Nothing physical had changed overnight. No healing had occurred. But by changing where my brain was focusing, I got my first taste of what’s possible when we understand the brain-pain connection.
The First Step to Rewiring Your Pain Response
If you’re dealing with chronic pain right now, Ashleigh offers this immediate action step: Start paying attention to your internal dialogue around pain.
Notice when you’re:
- Catastrophizing about what this means for your future
- Telling yourself stories about being broken or damaged
- Focusing intensely on the pain and what it’s taking from you
- Reacting with fear, anger, or desperation
Your response to pain literally changes how your brain processes it. When you react with heightened emotions, your brain receives the message: “This is a massive threat!” And how does the brain protect you from threats? By sending more stress signals, including more pain.
The Difference Between Regulating and Rewiring
Most approaches to chronic pain focus on regulating the nervous system—managing symptoms, coping with pain, learning to live with limitations. Ashleigh’s work focuses on something different: actually rewiring the nervous system to change how it responds.
This isn’t about positive thinking or pretending pain doesn’t exist. It’s about understanding the neuroscience of how pain becomes chronic and systematically retraining your brain’s threat detection system.
What This Means for Midlife Women
For those of us navigating midlife, this information is especially relevant. We’re often dealing with:
- Accumulated stress from decades of putting others first
- Hormonal changes that affect our nervous system
- Previous injuries or health challenges that have left their mark
- The pressure to “push through” without acknowledging what our bodies are telling us
Understanding the brain-body connection isn’t just about managing pain—it’s about reclaiming our power to heal and thrive during this transformative time.
Moving Forward: From Survival to Healing
Ashleigh’s journey from near-death at 13, through a successful Broadway career, to losing the ability to walk, and finally to creating a revolutionary approach to healing, proves that our bodies are capable of far more than we’ve been told.
The key isn’t just treating the physical body or just addressing the mind. It’s understanding how they work together, how past experiences shape present pain, and how we can literally rewire our nervous system’s response to stress and threat.
If this resonates with you, start by simply observing your internal dialogue around pain or stress. Notice without judgment. Recognize that your brain is trying to protect you, not punish you.
Remember, you’re not broken. Your body isn’t betraying you. Your nervous system might just need a software update based on everything you’ve been through.
And most importantly, know that change is possible. Ashleigh couldn’t walk for five years. Today, she’s strong, active, and helping others understand what she discovered in her darkest moments: The brain that creates chronic pain can also be taught to stop.
The contents of the Midlife Conversations podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider. Some episodes of Midlife Conversations may be sponsored by products or services discussed during the show. The host may receive compensation for such advertisements or if you purchase products through affiliate links mentioned on this podcast.
