10 Apr It’s Ultimatum time! We are either getting MARRIED or we are BREAKING up!
**this blog was first published on April 10, 2014 but was updated on January 3, 2016**
I Need To Share Something Important With You…
I spent my first 39 years trying to “fit in”. I did what I was supposed to do, I worked where I was supposed to work, I acted the way I was supposed to act and because of that, I was accepted by others and that worked for me.
When I met Mark I was a young 23 year old and he was a sophisticated (and good looking) 35 year old man who I thought was just perfect. He was charming, successful, engaging, and interesting. His interests and goals became my interests and goals because I didn’t have any of my own at the time.
When we broke up after 5 years, he left me broken hearted, alone, and empty as I had no idea who I was or who I was supposed to be. I remember thinking “Wow… I have no life… all of my interests were HIS interests…and not mine”. So what did I do? That’s right, I looked for the next “boyfriend” to give me purpose in life.
I didn’t know who I was.
I moved on to new boyfriends and took on their interests. I never took the time to worry about who I really was. I would just become an extension of them. I was a people pleaser: the good girlfriend, the great employee and the one who never broke the rules.
The thing is, I really didn’t know how to be anyone but a pretend person. I was a chameleon; I was someone who could be whatever that boss, friend, or boyfriend wanted.
I got married and lost myself even more. From the outside, I probably looked as if I was living the dream. I had the nice house, nice car, nice job, nice husband. It was all ‘picture perfect’ and maybe it was somebody’s dream, but it was NOT mine.
When my marriage ended my world also came crashing down. The perfect life I thought I had was FAKE. It came crashing down hard and then it was GONE. I share this whole story in my “make your own luck” blog if you want to hear more about how crushing it was.
When I hit rock bottom it was so raw.
I couldn’t hide behind the expensive clothes, the big house, the charming husband, or the high power job anymore. Those things were gone and that left me as raw and exposed as it gets. Just ME, and nothing to hide behind.
At the time, I was too depressed to care what anyone else thought of me, much less, what I thought of myself.
That only went on for so long, then I had to get real with myself. And you know what? That turned out to be the BEST thing that could have happened to me.
Why? Because in those raw, unprotected, authentic moments, my new career and my calling were found.
I turned my life around through accountability. Through finding solutions and, as hard it can be, to NOT looking for excuses. I began taking on nutrition and fitness as my life line.
I shared information and what I had learned with no agenda and people responded. Over the following months, Natalie Jill Fitness was born and the 7-day Jump Start became a huge success!
This happened because I was real. I was truly being ME and I wasn’t trying to be anything I am not. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone. I was being myself and sharing the REAL ‘me’ with others.
What happens when your passion turns into a successful business?
My then boyfriend (Brooks, who became my husband a few years later) and I did it all by ourselves by being real with people, sharing real information, and adding real value to people’s lives. That was it. We were true to ourselves and true to others. We helped people, and in return, we grew.
A funny thing happens when you start reaching hundreds of thousands of people via social media and online. Obviously, you don’t know most of these people personally, but all of a sudden, you start to care what they think and how they feel.
There are a lot of people that seem to pride themselves on being easily offended. Even the most well-intended post will offend someone, and this happens EVERY single day. Literally.
I offend people with my abs, my music, my comments, my dog, my words… everything. When I am being real and being myself, I’m going to offend people. It is inevitable.
I could post a picture of a puppy and someone will be offended that it is not a kitty. No matter how innocent the post, the picture, the comment, SOMEONE is always offended. I know I shouldn’t, but you can’t help it…you start to care what everybody thinks.
A little peek into my social media
I posted a funny yoga picture the other day. I was helping a friend of mine raise money for a charity that helps homeless children (she was an orphan growing up). I was doing this for free on my own time to help her out, and because I like and care about the cause.
I shared a funny picture of my boyfriend (now husband) photo bombing it in the background and someone said “Why would you do a yoga shoot if you are not a yogi… just “cashing in” it seems… that’s sad”
From my experience, the offended person or the “hater” typically has a profile picture of anything but them. It could be a pet, a flower, etc. There is hardly ever a ‘face’ to go with the comment. Ever notice that?
I offended someone last week when I shared an ab workout and used the word “intensity”. She felt I was offensive because SHE has an injury and can’t do intensity so therefor I had offended her.
Then there was the person offended that I posted a picture of me smiling in the sun looking happy. “Your smile seems fake and really offends me as I am genuinely a happy person” she wrote…WHAT?! Seriously…WHAT?!?!?…..
NJFit TWEETit: We are either getting MARRIED or BREAKING UP & I’m serious. I want winners on my team. #ultimatum @NatalieJillFit
So, WHY am I sharing this with you? It’s ultimatum time.
These people USED to really upset me…a LOT. I cared what each person thought. I lost sleep over it. I would try to win them over. I would try so hard to help them, do whatever I could do.
But, things have changed.
Now I get them out of my life as soon as possible and here is why: the very act of being offended says you feel entitled and have a victim mentality. Those are NOT the people I want in my life.
Oh, wait…did that last statement offend you?
If it did…PERFECT! Let’s break up right now, because I will NEVER be able to help somebody with a victim mentality that doesn’t want to be helped. Trust me, I have tried before, and it just DOESN’T work.
Yes I DID mean what I wrote above…I will never be able to help you if you are one of those people because we are not on the same wave length and I can’t change that. I don’t want to waste my time with people not in a place to be helped.
If this upsets you, that is good! We know we are not meant to work together.
For those of you NOT offended…
YOU are the type of person I wish to have in my life. You are bold, you are strong, you are positive, you are open to new ideas, and because all of that, you WILL be successful!
You are the one who is READY to change and be your BEST you. You are OPEN to learning and YOU will be truly successful and it is YOU that I will do anything for!
Here is what I know for sure…
Walking on egg shells and trying not to offend people does NOT work because those people who are constantly “offended” are not ready to be their best selves…yet. They are still in the blame-game mentality and they feel it necessary to place blame outwardly onto others, instead of being real and looking at themselves.
Until people accept responsibility and take accountability for themselves and stop blaming everyone else, NOTHING changes.
I have found myself and I am comfortable with who I am. I no longer worry what ‘others’ think…and that involves happily ignoring some people, while at the same time, making a conscious choice of who I surround myself with. Are you with me?
Do you WANT to become your best YOU? Do you want to have supportive, positive, and happy people in your life…or ones that are negative and detract from it?
If you want to be surrounded by the positive, happy people, I am going to share with you right now what you must decide to be. Without these variables it will be impossible to achieve those positive, happy, value-added relationships.
For those who answered YES, here it is! THIS is the formula! THIS describes the winners, the leaders, and the ones that are the best they can be. These are the Movers and Shakers and the ones that get RESULTS. I call these the “I CAN and I WILL people!”
Here is what the “I CAN and the I WILL people” do:
They are accountable and do not have victim mentality.
They are accountable for their own successes and failures regardless of the circumstances. They take responsibility. They do not blame others or hunt for excuses. They look within to find their relationship with the problem/issue and they learn from it, correct it, and move on.
They find solutions and don’t wallow in excuses.
Everyone has excuses. EVERYONE has them! It just comes down to whether you use them or not.
Misery loves company, and some people make their lives revolve around their excuses. On the other hand, successful people decide to FIND solutions for whatever issue/roadblock/problem they are dealing with.
It may be harder, it may take more time, it may be very challenging, but THAT does not matter to the solution finders. They look for solutions and NEVER stay stuck in their excuses for very long.
They put the right people on their team.
I collect people in my life every day. When I meet positive, goal oriented, successful, happy, and energetic people…I WANT them in my life. I find ways to be around them.
They energize me, inspire me and help ME want to better myself! THAT is how we get better! These are the ONLY kind of people I want in my life.
They block negativity from their lives.
This is not negotiable. Negativity breeds more negativity and gets in the way of people becoming their best selves. I treat negative people in real life the same way I do on Social Media…I block them. I don’t have the time or energy to deal with people like that.
Not only does it impact me, it impacts the people like YOU that I DO want on my team! Getting rid of negativity helps EVERYBODY!
They don’t let others opinions matter.
I think the quote below sums this up perfectly (aside from the grammatical error which I’m sure somebody will point out…lol): I used to care what people thought about me until one day I tried to pay my bills with their opinions.
They are not entitled
Entitled people drive me crazy. I don’t know what has happened lately, but it seems there is a HUGE entitlement mentality now days. When somebody says “I’m entitled to…” is like nails on chalk board to me. You are not entitled to anything. You have to work like everyone else and you have to add value
OK, rant over!
I am sure I lost some of you over this blog and that was the plan. I want everybody to be positive, hard working, and striving to be their best selves, but I know that isn’t 100% of people…and never will be.
For MY team: I want the winners. I want to work with and help people that WANT to be the best they can be. I don’t have the time or energy to deal with people that only want to ‘prove’ to me that they have a ‘good excuse’ and that is why something doesn’t work.
I want the movers and shakers and the ones that are willing to do the work to make positive change. I want the people that realize there is no ‘magic pill’ and are willing to work for RESULTS.
Are you that person? I hope so!!
My programs work. They get EXTREME results and they are life changing.
BUT, there is a condition: they only work for the people that take action. They only work for the people that say: “I CAN and I WILL”
Are you one of them? Step up if you are…I’d be glad to have you on my TEAM!
Those people I will gladly help in their quest to… Be Happy… Be Healthy… Be FIT!
– Natalie Jill
Give me 7 days to teach you the habits to CHANGE your life forever! Get your 7 day jump start HERE