30 Dec What Our Intrusive Worries and Thoughts Are Trying To Tell Us with Dr. Yasmine Saad
For years, I’ve watched midlife women battle their own minds…fighting intrusive thoughts about money, aging, their bodies, and whether they’ve done enough as mothers. These thoughts feel relentless, consuming, impossible to escape. And the advice we’ve all received? Meditate them away. Replace them with positive affirmations. Push them down and move on.
But here’s what fascinated me during my conversation with Dr. Yasmine Saad, one of New York’s top three psychologists: What if our negative thoughts aren’t the enemy at all? What if they’re actually messengers trying to help us?
I know that sounds counterintuitive when you’re lying awake at 3 AM worrying about your retirement account or replaying every parenting mistake you’ve made. But stay with me, because what Dr. Saad shared completely transformed how I understand the mental chaos so many of us experience in midlife.
The Real Reason Negative Thoughts Stick in Midlife
Dr. Saad explained something that immediately clicked for me. Negative thoughts don’t just randomly appear and torture us. They stick because there’s what she calls an “inner crack”—a place where we’re not quite solid, not quite convinced, not quite at peace with ourselves.
Think about it this way: If someone told me I was terrible at what I do, it wouldn’t affect me at all. I’m secure in my expertise. I’d wonder what was going on with them, not question myself. But if someone criticized an area where I already have doubt? That’s when the thought penetrates and starts looping in my mind.
For midlife women specifically, these cracks tend to show up in three major areas: financial security, our identity as mothers transitioning to empty nesters, and the physical changes that come with aging. These aren’t random—they’re connected to what’s happening in our bodies and our life stage.
Why Midlife Creates the Perfect Storm for Mental Overwhelm
Dr. Saad shared something profound about why midlife feels so mentally challenging. We’re transitioning from our creative, procreating years into what she calls the “preparation phase.” We’re taking inventory of what we’ve built and asking ourselves if it’s enough to carry us forward.
When there are gaps—financial cushions we didn’t create, relationships with our kids that feel incomplete, bodies that don’t respond the way they used to—our minds flood with thoughts. And here’s the piece most people miss: those hormonal fluctuations we’re experiencing? They’re not just physical. Hormonal changes create mental instability too.
One day you feel peaceful and grounded. The next, your mind is racing with catastrophic scenarios. This isn’t weakness. It’s biology affecting psychology. Your mind mirrors what your hormones are doing—creating an unpredictable emotional landscape that feels impossible to navigate.
The Three Ways Negative Thoughts Get In
Dr. Saad outlined exactly how negative thoughts penetrate our mental defenses, and understanding this changed everything for me:
First, through doubt. When you’re not 100% convinced about something—your financial security, your parenting, your body—negative thoughts find that opening. If you’re completely solid in an area, criticism bounces off. But doubt creates vulnerability.
Second, through giving weight to others’ opinions. When someone you admire or respect—a parent, a colleague, a friend—makes a comment that aligns with your existing doubt, you give their words power. Suddenly their observation becomes your reality.
Third, through surrender. Sometimes people agree with negative input just to make it stop. When someone constantly criticizes you and you finally say “yes, you’re right,” you’re not truly agreeing—you’re trying to end the discomfort. But that agreement embeds the thought deeper.
This explains why online comments bother some people but not others. If you post something you truly believe, criticism doesn’t shake you. But if you’re sharing something you’re uncertain about, those comments feel devastating. It’s not about the comments—it’s about your inner conviction.
What Your Body Is Trying to Tell You
One of the most fascinating parts of our conversation was Dr. Saad’s expertise in traditional Chinese medicine and how physical symptoms connect to mental and emotional states. After 13 years studying under a Grand Master, she can identify what’s happening mentally based on what shows up physically.
Hives, for example, represent heat leaving the body—a sign you’ve absorbed too much tension and stress trying to keep peace around you. Your body is literally releasing the emotional friction you’ve internalized. Shoulder pain? You’re carrying too much. It’s that simple and that profound.
General pain throughout your body signals that your immune system is depleted, that you’ve become vulnerable. Pain in traditional Chinese medicine represents cold getting in because your body couldn’t maintain warmth—a metaphor for losing your protective energy and becoming susceptible to external influences.
Even breathing difficulties connect to emotional states. The lungs are about taking in and releasing. When you struggle with grief or can’t let go of something, it manifests as breathing problems, anxiety, even panic attacks.
The Revolutionary Approach: Decoding Instead of Fighting
Here’s where Dr. Saad’s approach diverges completely from conventional wisdom. Instead of fighting negative thoughts, meditating them away, or replacing them with positive affirmations, she suggests we decode them.
Every negative thought contains a message about an unmet desire or core value. When you think “I’m lousy with money,” that thought is calling your attention to multiple things: your relationship with money, your desire for financial safety, and often, the harsh way you motivate yourself.
The thought reveals what you want (financial security), what you believe is blocking you (your own perceived inadequacy), and how you’re treating yourself in the process (usually with harsh self-criticism rather than compassionate motivation).
Most of us make our entire identity bad as a way to whip ourselves into change. But Dr. Saad pointed out that this actually lowers your ability to create what you want. The self-criticism becomes the obstacle, not the motivator.
The AWARE Method for Processing Negative Thoughts
Dr. Saad shared her systematic approach for working with negative thoughts instead of against them:
A is for Awareness. What is this thought calling your attention to? Don’t judge it—just notice what area of your life it’s highlighting.
W is for Wisdom. What’s the core desire or value embedded in this thought? If you’re worried about money, the underlying value might be security for your family. If you’re anxious about aging, the core desire might be vitality and independence.
A is for Align. Get completely behind that desire or value. Stop apologizing for wanting financial security or fearing physical decline. These are legitimate, important values.
R is for Recalibrate. Identify the obstacle—usually it’s how you’re motivating yourself or the story you’re telling. Can you pursue the same desire with love instead of self-punishment? With technique instead of criticism?
E is for Expansion. You’ve evolved. You’ve gained wisdom about yourself and expanded your capacity to handle this challenge.
This process takes minutes, but it fundamentally changes your relationship with the thought. Instead of being tormented by “I’m lousy with money,” you understand it’s pointing to a desire for security, acknowledge past prioritizations that made sense then, and create a new approach moving forward.
Why Numbing Doesn’t Work (And What Does)
I asked Dr. Saad about all the ways we try to escape uncomfortable thoughts—social media scrolling, Netflix binges, wine, even excessive exercise. Her answer was illuminating.
These distractions are based on a fundamental belief that there’s something wrong with you internally and that negative thoughts are trying to sabotage you. When you believe your mind is the enemy, your first instinct is to silence it.
But here’s what that robs you of: the opportunity to understand the message and do the inner work that prepares you for a better future. You might achieve temporary peace through meditation or distraction, but the unaddressed issue keeps resurfacing. Then you feel worse because you’re “doing all the right things” and still struggling.
Even meditation, when used to avoid thoughts rather than create space for understanding, becomes another form of suppression. The purpose of meditation should be achieving harmony and peace, not escaping your mind’s messages.
Dr. Saad explained that humans don’t actually learn from positive experiences the same way we learn from negative ones. A hug feels nice but doesn’t create growth. A metaphorical slap makes you think, question, resolve, and prevent future issues. Your higher self knows this and sends messages wrapped in discomfort specifically to create movement toward your next level.
The Energy Signature You Were Born With
Something I found particularly validating was Dr. Saad’s perspective on energy signatures. I’m high-energy, fast-paced, constantly moving. Some people interpret this as needing to “slow down” or “relax,” as if there’s something wrong with how I operate.
But Dr. Saad explained that we each have an energy signature meant to help us fulfill our purpose. Mine serves me—it helps me accomplish what I’m here to do. Hers is naturally slower, more measured, and that serves her work as a therapist.
The key isn’t changing your fundamental nature but understanding your tendencies and creating balance. Someone with high energy needs to be mindful of overdoing and creating excess heat in the body. Someone with naturally slower energy might need activation in certain areas.
When I’m around Dr. Saad’s calming presence, I naturally slow down—not because she’s telling me to, but because energy is contagious. Similarly, when someone enters my high-energy fitness environment, they tend to speed up. We influence each other’s states simply by being ourselves.
This is why artificially changing your state through substances—whether stimulants for energy or depressants for calm—is problematic. You’re burning through your resources faster without addressing what’s underneath. The rebound effect makes the original issue worse.
Choosing the Right Support for Your Journey
Near the end of our conversation, I asked Dr. Saad about therapy—who needs it, who doesn’t, and how to choose the right type of support.
Her answer surprised me: You have everything within you to be your best self. Not everyone needs a psychologist. Some people are intuitive about what they need, whether that’s ocean time when they’re struggling or certain foods when their body feels off.
But good professional support can accelerate the process significantly. The key is understanding the differences:
Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialize in mental health, primarily trained in medication. Some pursue additional psychotherapy training, but many focus on medication management. This is essential for conditions like bipolar disorder or severe depression, but isn’t necessary for general mental health support.
Psychologists have extensive training—often 10 years—specifically in psychotherapy. They work in clinical settings throughout their education and are equipped to handle complex mental health issues without medication.
Therapists or counselors typically have two-year degrees. This doesn’t mean they’re not talented, but the training depth differs significantly. Some pursue specialized additional training that makes them excellent practitioners.
Coaches have minimal credentialing requirements. There are certainly skilled coaches, but you need to ask detailed questions about their training and experience. They typically don’t work with clinical issues like depression or anxiety.
Dr. Saad’s advice? Trust your gut with any practitioner. Don’t defer to expertise without checking in with how you feel. If something doesn’t feel right, that’s information—either the approach is meant to challenge you in a productive way, or it’s not the right fit.
The Physical-Mental Connection
What struck me most about this conversation was how interconnected everything is. Your negative thoughts aren’t just mental noise—they’re connected to your physical state, your hormones, your energy levels, and the emotions you’ve absorbed from your environment.
When you understand that shoulder pain might be about what you’re carrying emotionally, not just physically, you have more tools for healing. When you recognize that digestive issues might connect to absorbing tension while trying to keep peace, you can address both the physical symptom and the underlying pattern.
Dr. Saad practices and teaches traditional Chinese medicine alongside psychology because having multiple entry points—mind, body, food, acupuncture, therapy—creates faster, more complete healing. Instead of something taking months or years, addressing it from multiple angles can resolve issues in a few sessions.
This aligns completely with what I’ve learned about midlife health: everything connects. Your hormones affect your thoughts. Your thoughts create tension in your body. Your body’s state influences your emotional resilience. You can’t separate these pieces and expect to feel whole.
What This Means for Your Midlife Mental Health
If you’re experiencing overwhelming negative thoughts right now (about money, your empty nest, your aging body, or anything else) you’re not broken. Your mind isn’t sabotaging you. Those thoughts are messengers pointing to areas where you need to do inner work, recalibrate your approach, or address an unmet desire. They’re uncomfortable because they’re designed to create movement, not because there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.
The next time a thought loops in your mind, instead of fighting it or numbing it, try asking: What is this trying to tell me? What do I really want that I’m not acknowledging? How am I motivating myself, and is there a kinder way?
Midlife brings legitimate challenges: hormonal fluctuations, life transitions, physical changes. These aren’t imaginary. But the mental overwhelm so many of us experience isn’t inevitable. When you stop treating your mind as an enemy and start listening to its messages, everything shifts. Your negative thoughts might be the most valuable tool you have for creating the life you want in this next chapter. The question is: are you willing to stop fighting and start listening?
The contents of the Midlife Conversations podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider. Some episodes of Midlife Conversations may be sponsored by products or services discussed during the show. The host may receive compensation for such advertisements or if you purchase products through affiliate links mentioned on this podcast.
